Today a most unwelcome surprise arrived in the mail. For the better part of this last year, my ex-husband has had no contact with my son. Then, out of the blue, came a card for David. It was a Halloween card. The cynical part of me snorted and thought, "Of course he would send a card for that day. It's his high holy day." Then, I began to reflect on some of the less than stellar choices that I have made throughout my life. I do not regret my son at all. He was the only bright spot in that miserable existence of a so called marriage. Does it really do any good to take a backward glance though? All we can do is move forward.
Looking back only causes sadness. There are too many loved ones not with me anymore and when I look back they figure prominently in my life. There is also a long list of "what ifs" and "should haves". Does it do anyone any good to think of those things? Maybe, only if upon reflection we glean wisdom from our mistakes and dare not repeat them. After all, isn't the definition of "crazy" doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?
It's not easy coming to terms with all of my past mistakes, but, I am trying. After all, I wouldn't be who I am today without the bad choices of yesterday.
- the busy bee
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