What Women REALLY Want

Hello Again,

It sure has been a while since I posted last. My apologies to those of you who take time to read my little blog. Hopefully this will be worth the wait and also worth your precious time.

As most of you know, I have a son. He is precious, wonderful, and all of those many things that proud mothers say about their children. In all honesty, he really is precious and wonderful and full of flaws just like any other human being. This upcoming school year he will enter third grade. I can't believe that he has been in my life for eight years.

While growing up, I never really pictured myself as a mother. If I did have the occasional fleeting thought, I always had a daughter. Never did I even consider having a son. Needless to say, to solidify the surprise and shock of my pregnancy was the news that I was carrying a boy. What in the world was I supposed to do with a boy? A son? My cousins were all female, save the one or two males that were in the mix, and I knew about "girly" things. I hate sports, love cosmetics, collect purses and shoes....oh dear Lord a boy. I cried for two weeks straight remembering horror stories of baby boys "baptizing" their moms, totally having bad aim once potty trained, growing to become dirty stinky hormone riddled teens. UGH! So, I did what I tend to do best. I read books and asked for advice.

One of the women that I asked advice from was a mom of five boys. She had no daughters. How did she do it? What were her tricks? Secrets? It helped that I respected and loved this woman immensely. When I asked her, "What am I going to do? How do I treat a son?" she smiled patiently at me and said, "Love them". Is it really that simple? Love them? Hmmmmmmm. I also prayed. A lot. Often.

Needless to say, I fell in love with the thought of having a son. What an honor it would be to raise a boy to become a man that would make the world a better place. A man who would love and adore his wife and treat her with respect and dignity. A man who would be the opposite of his biological father. I must admit, that idea was most appealing.

It was easy to just "love him". Fortunately, I can personally testify that I was never once baptized by my son. Maybe it was God looking out for me? Maybe I was always super careful and super paranoid at diaper change time? Who knows. So, that fear was unfounded. Also, when he was potty trained he had a great teacher. Thank you Robby from the depths of my heart and soul. So, his aim was and continues to be pretty good...not nearly as bad as I had imagined. We haven't hit the stinky hormone riddled teenage years yet, so, here's hoping that they aren't as bad either.

I can however say that my son has always been a ladies man. Always. From the time he could focus his big navy blue eyes they would follow the females. He has pretty good taste too. ;-) It didn't matter if the woman was a little girl, young, middle aged, or elderly, as long as she was beautiful he would watch. When he learned to coo, he would smile and "talk" to women wherever we went. I could see a potential problem on my hands.

My son and I have always had an open relationship wherein he can talk about and tell me anything. Hopefully it will continue to be so in the future. At any rate, I do my best to choose my battles and allow him to be a boy without freaking out at some of the things that he does. Yes, I have random creatures brought into my house. I calmly explain to him that they belong outside and how wonderful it is that he wants to show them to me but could he please put them back where they came from. This pacifies him so he does so willingly. -WHEW- And, yes, my son talks about women. My job is to love him and teach him about women as well as guide him into being the man that he should be. It's a hard job filled with an awesome responsibility but I take it seriously. I'd like to think that my son will make any woman proud one day and to think that his "training" has really only just begun.

So, really, what is it that women really want? We aren't easy to please after all, so, that is a very complicated and intricate question that requires a very complicated and intricate answer. There have been many books and magazine articles published on the subject and a movie was even made about it. For where I am right now in guiding my son to manhood, I will keep this as simple as I can and obviously there will not be any discussion of sexual nature here.

Women want a man to be a man. That means we want a man that isn't afraid of being soft enough to read us poetry but he also isn't afraid of being hard as nails when he needs to be. We want a man to open doors for us, hold out the chair when we sit, and gaze lovingly at us across the table. Yes, I am aware that women are able to "open our own doors thank you very much" and sometimes think that the chair holding thing is a tad embarrassing, BUT, doesn't it feel good (deep down inside) when someone does this for you? Honestly, it really does. We want a man to kill the bug and not run from it squeeling from it like we do.

We want a man to not be afraid to take the lead. Personally, I am a very strong willed woman. I like what I like when I like it and I like it to be done my way. However, I realize that this is overwhelming and that I need an even stronger man. Do I want to be harassed into submission? No way. What I mean by taking the lead is, a woman wants a man that can make decisions on his own. While he can make decisions on his own, he out of love and respect for us, asks our input; and he takes it seriously. The whole "yes dear" attitude is not really what we want. Again, I will be the first to admit that getting my own way is a marvelous feeling but if that happened all of the time, I could easily turn into a bully. Really, couldn't anyone turn into a bully if they get their way all of the time? We need a balance between getting our own way and being told "no". Taking the lead also includes being open and honest with thoughts and feelings. If an idea isn't a good one, say so. If a man wants to ask a woman out on a date, do so. If a man loves a woman, say so.

While we want a man to take the lead, we do not want a full on chauvinist. Again, there is a delicate balance and I am trying to teach that to my son. I am beginning to let him assert himself but he has boundaries because I am still his mother and still his parent with authority over him. However, one day, his respect for me will turn and grow into respect for his wife and other women in general. I sure hope this is making sense. It's hard to keep the concepts simple.

Of course there are many small details involved in those broad generalizations just mentioned. I tackle them from a woman's point of view and I am so thankful and blessed that Robby tackles them from a man's point of view. As David grows, the list of details will increase and the work will get harder. It is well worth it though. When I think about the fact that I have been entrusted to shape him into a wonderful man it humbles me. For those of you that have sons, I am sure that you feel the same way. For those with daughters only, it is my wish that David will be an asset to any female out there; that he will be able to show her the love and respect that she deserves but that he can truly be what women really want.

Thank you for reading and allowing me to share with you what is on my mind and what is going on in this little family of mine. Ya'll are amazing.

Always,
Alissa, the busy bee

How would you do it?

Hello, ya'll!

I've been thinking about this for a while now. How would you introduce Jesus to a stranger? We are supposed to (and I say that talking to myself most of all) introduce Jesus each and every day to those around us with and without using words. The best way is without words because, after all, actions speak louder than words. ;-)

Some churches decide to make a big show out of it. It's like P.T. Barnum's circus has come to town each and every Sunday and there are three rings announcing "Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! Jesus will be entertaining you today. In ring number one, you will see the light show! In ring number two, you will see the offering basket to throw your money; and for your convenience, we now accept all major credit cards and ebt! In ring number three is the man himself...J-E-S-U-S!!!" Is that a good introduction to Jesus? Would you want to hang out with this version of him?

Then, in other churches, Jesus isn't even "present". The people just go through the motions of worship and once the hour long service is completed, Sunday "penance" is paid, and life goes on as usual. In the street outside of the church building the members of the congregation cut each other off in traffic and at the restaurant where they eat lunch, a tip isn't even left for the server that worked so hard to keep the glasses full of sweet tea and coke. What about this version of Jesus? Would you be proud to introduce him to your mother or best friend?

In all seriousness, there seem to be two major poles in religious circles regarding the presentation of Jesus and I have given an oversimplified version of each of them. He's either a circus attraction to fleece money from the congregation or he's a part of a rude bunch of people that believe as long as they go to church on Sundays, they're "all good". How wrong can they be?

Why not introduce Jesus to the world for who and what he is? He is Jesus Christ, born in Nazareth, carpenter by trade, fisherman by hobby, and son of God most high. Jesus is the King of kings. Jesus was friends with those that most looked at as outcasts or nobodies. Think about it! Jesus hung out with hookers, IRS agents (tax collectors), rough and tumble fishermen with bad tempers and salty language, and -gasp- gentiles! No self respecting person gave these individuals the time of day much less ATE with them or spent hours upon hours with them. Jesus was more than a self respecting individual though!

He knew these people inside and out and LOVED them for who they were and where they were in their lives. Did he need a light show or three rings to get attention? NO. Was he rude to those that served him? NO. Jesus served! Why not try a little of that attitude ourselves? Love people for who they are and where they are in life. Remember that no one stays in the same place forever. You certainly won't! Life is an ever changing current that takes us in many different directions and there are many different seasons to life. It's never really boring is it?

The comedian Steve Harvey once did an introduction to Jesus. It was amazingly beautiful and although it was from a stage, there was no circus act. Mr. Harvey was stating fact after fact about Jesus Christ, son of God. If I had to introduce Jesus with words, it would be a little different. Obviously, I am not Steve Harvey. :-)

I would introduce Jesus as a friend. He loves unconditionally. He is with you even when you feel all alone. Jesus is a healer, a comforter, a trusted companion that will never betray you or your innermost secrets. He is a wonderful listener. Jesus is a provider. He provides all needs and most wants (if they are in his father's will for your life). Jesus is not a cruel person that plays tricks or mocks you. He is the most intense person that you will ever get to know. Most importantly, he WANTS to get to know you and you him. A relationship with Jesus will be the most beautiful that you have ever had in your life. There is none like it; there is none like Jesus. He is closer than a parent, sibling, best friend, or lover. Jesus is everything.

Think about how you would do it. How would you introduce Jesus?

-the Busy Bee